he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
