Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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