Pappa wants mamma naked
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
