This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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