I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
