i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
