Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how do flat chested girls get laid?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
