I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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