Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
