You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
