Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize