I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
