I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
