Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
