Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize