I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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