have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
