Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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