I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
