I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
