Duck Duck Cougar?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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