Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
