ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
