Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
