i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
