We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
