Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
