In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
