Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I need a burrito and a hug.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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