just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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