Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
