Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She told me I should be a condom model.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
