I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have aggressive nipples.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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