A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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