Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
