She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is my gift to your gina
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
