If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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