So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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