She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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