If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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