I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
