Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
