I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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