just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
