I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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