so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
