i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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