he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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