11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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