Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize