Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
