We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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