I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
