so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
