She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize