I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
