Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
