i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
