I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
