she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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