Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
