her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
