i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
