Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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