after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
