take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
