She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
